Sasuke's Plan For World Domination
by hey.rainbow.city
Summary: Pickup lines never worked. Too bad he always had to learn the hard way. “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” BAM!
1. Chapter 1

Sasuke's Plan For World Domination: Chapter 1

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srry, this story just came 2 me, n i thought it might be pretty funny. this sorta came out weird though...

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Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto :(

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"MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! MWA-HA-HA-HA-haaa," The evil laughter suddenly turned to a violent coughing fit.

Sasuke sat back up and sighed. His dejected face soon turned into a smirk as he saw a group of girls coming his way. _'My evil laugh can wait 'til later. Right now I can work on getting the future queen of the world.'_

And with that he walked up to the group of girls and put his hand up in front of him, yelling out, "STOP!" He thought he looked quite cool like that, but in fact he just looked like a total idiot.

"Yes Sasuke?" Sakura asked. She put his hand down. "Do you need something?"

Sasuke smirked. "Yes Sakura. I do. I need to know something very important." He put his hand down and struck a pose. A rose background seemed to appear behind him. The kunoichis sweatdropped.

"Don't walk into that building." He pointed at the outhouse. "The sprinklers might go off." He winked at her.

The girls behind her (who were Ino and Tenten) burst into laughter at his horrible attempt at a pick-up line. But Sakura, being the oblivious girl that she is, had no idea what he was talking about.

"The outhouse? Why would the outhouse have sprinklers?"

His jaw dropped all the way to the ground and his eyes became huge white circles. But then he immediately regained his cool. For Uchiha Sasuke is always cool. "Oh Sakura, how funny of you." He started laughing hysterically and then slapped his knee.

The three girls just stared at him.

His laughter subsided and he looked at her seriously. "Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Noble Pizza Prize?"

"Noble Pizza Prize?" She laughed. "Don't you mean the Nobel Peace Prize? Sasuke, how could **YOU** have won that? Extra emphasis on you."

His right eye twitched. "I'll have you know, I can win that prize, whatever it's called!"

Sakura smiled. "So what did you need to know?"

He puffed up his chest and put one hand on his hip while he put the other up in a straight line. He almost resembled a superhero in some strange, weird way. "Did you just fart, because you blew me away!" He fell over.

While Ino and Tenten continued to laugh, Sakura looked indignant. "Excuse me? What did you say?"

Sasuke smirked, thinking he had her caught. "You heard me baby. Good news, the test results are negative!"

"WHAT?!"

"Uh," He started to get the fact that the pick-up lines weren't working. "If you were a booger, I would pick you first!"

"Are you comparing me to a booger?" There was a vein on her forehead.

"Uh, no? Ummmm. I'm invisible."

"Really now." She crossed her arms.

"Can you see me?

"Yes."

"How about tomorrow night?"

She glared at him. Oh how he wished she was still in love with him. It would make his life so much easier.

His face brightened. _'Oh, this oughta work!'_He sauntered up to her and grabbed her butt. "Pardon me, is this seat taken?"

Next thing he knew he was lying on the ground with stars in his eyes. He immediately sat back up to see the three girls walking away.

"Hey! You forgot something!"

They turned around. "What?!"

"Me!"Sakura glared and she turned around with the two giggling girls behind her.

Sasuke laid back down on the grass. Okay, his plan for wooing Sakura clearly wasn't working. He'll get back to that later. Maybe he'll try the second thing. Onto Plan B: World Domination. No wait, that was Plan C. Plan B was evil laughter.

He pointed at all the people and started laughing hysterically once again. "Just you wait and see, I will soon rule the world! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-haaa," He started coughing again.

"Look mommy! A bum!" A little kid pointed at him.

Sasuke glared back.

The mother pulled the little kid along. "Don't look at the weird person, honey. Just keep walking."

"Hey! I'm perfectly normal!" The words fell upon deaf ears. "Okay then," He pulled out a book, _How To Rule The World_, from out of nowhere.

"What's next?" He licked his finger a flipped a few pages. "Ah, Step 2. Find a cool costume that everyone will be jealous of." He smirked. "That, I can do. Not that I can't do anything else. Although, I do look quite stunning in my outfit right now…. Hmm…. Okay, off to How To Rule The World Superstore (A/N that's just something I made up)!"

He ran off into a random direction._ 'Is this the right way? Who cares? Some girl will fall for my charms and show me the right way, yes.'_ He smirked and continued running.

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so, again, i don't think this is 2 good. but i want ur opinion. R&R plz!! i have cookies:D


	2. Chapter 2

Well here's the second chapter! Yes, I know, I took a very long time to update. I'm sorry! But thank you to all those reviewed. Here are the cookies I promised! -throws cookies to readers-

Well, you'll just have to deal with imaginary ones for now...

Enjoy the 2nd chappie!

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Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto :(

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Sasuke glared at everything and everyone in his sight. "Stupid costume. Stupid superstore," He muttered while clenching fists.

People started to walk away very quickly as to seeing an angered Uchiha.

"Stupid little boy who called me a bum and then had the nerve to run away. Stupid book. Stupid, stupid, STUPID! YOU KNOW WHAT EVERYTHING IS STUPID! YOU'RE ALL STUPID!! YEAH YOU HEARD ME! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! S-T-E-W-P-E-D! STUPID!!!" He shouted at loud.

Too bad everyone had already run away so they couldn't know of his awesome spelling.

He crossed his arms and stomped back to his house in a matter of seconds. After stomping his way to the living room, he sat down on the couch. The onyx-eyed teen fumed for a couple minutes before turning the TV on. What he saw surprised him.

"We are now reporting an attempt on vandalism at an unknown store, believed to be How To Rule The World Superstore." A red-haired woman in a pink outfit was talking into the microphone, facing the camera.

Sasuke sat up, interested. Vandalism! Why didn't he think of that? This was another step to rule the world! Destroying stuff! At least he thought so….

"A young man was in here earlier today. We don't have an image of him, but he is said to be around his teenage years."

'_The same age as me!' _Sasuke thought.

"He walked in here around 12:30 p.m. this afternoon. He was apparently looking for a costume, they say. Oh sir! Can you please describe what happened?"

The camera swirled around to face in man in around his thirties. His face was pale and full of terror. He was a like a white statue with a nametag that said "Hello, my name is…. I forgot my name…."

"Sir?"

He stood still for a few moments before "coming back to life".

"H-huh? W-w-w-what?"

"Sir, can you please describe what happened earlier this afternoon?"

His eyes widened. "Oh! I-it was horrible! H-he just came in h-h-here looking for a…. a costume. B-b-but when I said we w-were out of s-s-stock, he went b-b-b-ballistic! His eyes t-turned red, a-a-and he h-had this d-dark aura around h-him. The a-air ar-round him bec-came all p-purple and black! It was so h-horrifying! H-he then ran t-though the store l-leaving dent on the f-floor. Then he r-rummaged through everything, a-and almost t-tore everything a-apart!"

"Oh! How dreadful!" She shook her head and put her hand on her mouth.

'_Whoa!' _Sasuke thought. _'Maybe I can get pointers from this guy__! He sounds so cool!'_

"Can you describe him?"

"He had b-black hair. B-black eyes, b-before they t-turned red. An o-open white shirt t-that showed his chest, a-and-"

The woman held her hand up, thus shutting the man up. She used her unoccupied hand to touch the ear-piece in her ear. Her eyes lit up.

"Oh! There are now pictures! Confirming! There are now pictures! Hurry Ben! The pictures!"

Sasuke leaned forward more.

Pictures flew across the screen all of…. OF HIM!

He fell off the couch. What?! How could that be? But…. Well now that he thought about it, he did remember someone telling him that there were no more costumes. But he couldn't remember anything after that! So much for pointers….

He turned off the TV and stared at it for a few minutes before getting up and heading outside. It was probably a stupid idea, but he had to explain it to everyone that it wasn't him.

While randomly walking, he overheard three people talking.

"How do you get someone to fall in love with you?" One asked.

"Well, I heard that when someone is walking on a swinging bridge or a really dangerous high point where they might fall and they see another person of the opposite sex, they fall in love with them."

"They do?" The girl questioned.

"Well no. The heart beats very fast, caused by fear. But the brain might mistake it for love. It's called the…. Actually, I'm not sure what it's called…." The boy trailed off.

"Oh. Does that really work?"

The other guy cut in. "You know what's a better way? Be really beautiful, or handsome!"

"Beautiful, handsome?"

"Well, appear in whatever they like. Like if they are a bright person, wear bright colors!"

"Oh! So that's it!" Sasuke said to himself, and he ran away to devise a plan.

"Okay!" The girl said, and closed her notebook from where she was taking notes. "Thank you for participating in the 'Funny and Stupid Ways To Make People Fall In Love With You That Will Never Work' soon to be novel! Ja ne!"

"Later!" The two boys said. They watched her run away before going the other way.

"Man, no one is stupid enough to actually use those ideas."

"Yeah!" The other guy laughed. "No one!"

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Meanwhile, with Sasuke….

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"Okay!" Sasuke pumped his fist up in the air. "I'm ready!"

He had told Sakura to meet him at the bridge where they used to meet for training as genins at 5.

And there she was, sitting on the railing of the bridge, waiting for him.

'_I hope she likes muffins,'_ And with that last thought he ran towards her. "Sakura!"

Sakura turned her head towards him. Her jaw dropped and her pupils disappeared.

"Sasuke!" She yelled. "Why are you dressed as a – a muffin?!"

He came to a stop in front of her. "Don't you like muffins?"

"W-well yes, b-but still," she stuttered.

"I overheard a conversation that you had to dress up in something that someone like in order to get someone to love you."

Sakura almost fell over anime-style.

This was his chance!

"SAKURA!" While she was still leant over backwards he leaned over a little and pointed a long black umbrella at her.

There was a long awkward silence. They both sweat-dropped.

"Uh, Sasuke?" Sakura stared at him. "What are you doing?"

"Are you in love with me now?"

She pushed the umbrella away and jumped off from her spot on the railing. "No."

She started to walk away.

"Wait! Sakura!" He caught up to her on the other side of the bridge.

"What?"

He stared at her and licked his lips for moisture.

Pick-up lines never worked. Too bad he always had to learn the hard way.

"My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."

BAM!

Sasuke lay twitching on the ground in agony. "Ow…."

Moments after she left, he got up, rejuvenated. He ran back to his house and jumped through his window again. This time he walked to his bedroom.

So today, nothing worked. Well tomorrow was another day. He closed the door and closed the curtains before he plopped on the bed. He turned over to face his digital clock.

"WHY THE HELL AM I GOING TO SLEEP AT 5:30?!?!"

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so there ya have it folks! the 2nd chapter! i no, i take really long 2 update n i never write very long chapters, but i would still appreciate ur reviews. so R&R plz! I have cupcakes this time :D


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